Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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