My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Randomize
