your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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