I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
