i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I have fence marks all over my body
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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