this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
