I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
