do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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