shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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