No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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