He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
