does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
