Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
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We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
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If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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