i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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