if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
