Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
you had me at cake vodka
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
i think im in europe. pls send help
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
