I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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