took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Randomize
