shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
