I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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