I am spending my child support on dildos
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
