hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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