even my farts smell like vagina
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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