He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
