When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We just shotgunned beers for America
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
