you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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