the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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