I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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