Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
