there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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