how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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