no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
