So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
