as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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