I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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