I'm pants shitting drunk right now
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
