i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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