I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
