woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
