I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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