I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
