Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
