he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
