dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
