it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
