the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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