I have demons in me.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
