my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
