My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
