Too much gin, very little bucket
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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