Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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