:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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