you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
