everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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