I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
