we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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