Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
