you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
