My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
