the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
