I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
