yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
