he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
