I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
