I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
