Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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