I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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