I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
