Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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