I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
