Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
