if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
