I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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