One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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