i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
