Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
she was so not down for the gang bang
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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