Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
