I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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