Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
