i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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