Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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