I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
