i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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