I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
