cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
